Top Ten Reason Charlie Oredigger Is Single

There’s no doubt that our school’s fearless leader, Charlie Oredigger, is built like a brick house, has outstanding confidence, a commanding presence, and a fighting spirit. So why would a man with such knight-in-shining-armor qualities find himself single on Valentine’s Day? I’ve done some research on this perplexing issue, and I have discovered the top ten reasons why Charlie Oredigger is single (and perhaps many other engineers).

1. He will promise to take you out to a 7-course meal on your first date, which will turn out to be a pasty and a six-pack of beer. 

2. Former lovers have accused him of being self-absorbed and having a “big head.” 

3. The only key to his heart is the Tau Beta Pi key. 

4. He will never write you a love letter, because writing poetry is not an “efficient” use of words.

5. He has several cats, all of which are named after scientists or mathematicians. 

6. No matter how hard you cry and how loud you yell, he just sits there calmly discussing your emotion in terms of mathematical logic. 

7. He’s too aggressive. It’s not his fault, his parents told him to just “Get Into It.”

8. He has a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work, including relationships. 

9. He tries to pick up girls with witty banter like: “Engineering is one of World of Warcraft’s more interesting crafting professions – it requires materials produced with another profession, usually Mining.” 

10. He carries a pick-ax with him at all times.